My journey to "Buff" and Weigh-In-...Friday?

I missed Weigh in Wednesday this week. 

I did it on purpose

Because, well

Im torn on wether I want to do it every week anymore. 

I currently weigh 148. 

I am 6 pounds away from the weight I was when I got pregnant with Easy. 

and about 18 pounds from my ideal weight

.

But lately, my ideas have changed about this new post baby bod I have.

Because of the restrictions of pumping breastmilk

I have had to really change the way I do things. 

I cant just cut it down to 1000 calories a day and do cardio until I puke anymore.

When I do that, my supply dips considerably... and duh, I know its not healthy. 

I have spent the last year, inadvertently rehabilitating my metabolism.

Before pregnancy, if I ate more than 800-1000 calories a day, I would gain weight

because thats how much I was used to eating.

Now I eat anywhere from 1500-3000 calories a day

And I'm losing weight slowly but surely. 

I have been lifting weights like mad

I have really liked feeling strong

(I can deadlift a measly 100 pounds... but I'm proud!)

I know that this muscle building also contributes to my lack of substantial weight loss. 

sometimes I step on the scale and feel angry 

frustrated that I haven't shown any improvement on that stupid electronic day-ruiner

I need to get better at looking in the mirror and saying, 

"Hey, I look guuuuud!!"

Im not just trying to look skinny anymore

I want to have a great butt

I want to have buff arms

and great legs!

I want to look great in clothes

and ahem, otherwise. 

I want to be able to carry this heavy butt around. 

So from my start at 158 in June

To 148 now

I feel like im LOOKING better. 

and not just 10 pounds better

but stronger better. 

This doesnt mean I'll stop posting about my weigh-ins..

I think they just might be a little further apart. 

I'll bring ya'll on my journey to "buff"

xx - r