I never said...

I never said I wouldnt complain.

 

wait, did I?

 

I cant remember my first name most of the time these days.

 

Im tired.

Truth time,

 

This isnt one of those "glowy" pregnancy updates.

 

 

 

But I feel like the reality needs to be stated somewhere.

Im not glowing.

 

I feel like I blew through my first pregnancy

 

Yes, I had a bit of heartburn and got a couple stretch marks near the end, but it wasnt bad, I would even say I loved it. I loved it enough to get pregnant again 8 months later didnt I?

 

I cant decide if bieng a mom makes me more sensitive, or if I am just a bigger wuss this time around, or if maybe some emotional problems I cant control are playing in...

 

But this pregnancy is so hard.

 

Its hard enough that I have cried more times than I can count

hard enough that I have had a hard time getting out of bed or off the couch

hard enough that I have been meaner than I should be to people I love

hard enough that I have wished that the baby would even come a bit early sometimes just to ease my discomfort.
Hard enough that Im maybe not giving my Easy man all the attention he deserves.

 

And all of those things make me feel so awful that I continually cycle between feeling awful and feeling guilty for it.

 

I have officially outgrown my maternity jeans

 

They no longer fit over my hips and butt that are now riddled with stretch marks.

I'm sitting at a weight that I have never seen before on a scale that I have been standing on.

That was harder on me than I thought it was going to be. When im having to buy not only bigger clothing... but bigger maternity clothing, it challenges my feelings of self-worth.

I eat the best I can, but I have to make a point to not go crazy on the diet, I struggle with finding balance.

My body feels like its breaking down.

When I stand in the morning I have to brace myself and breathe through the feeling that my pelvis is going to break, and my hips just might not make it another minute. The feeling eventually passes but everything feels sore all day. the extra weight isnt helping my knees or my back.

My braxton hicks contractions are strong and steady. every time I stand or walk too long, I find myself stopping to poke my stomach, confirming that the tighness is a contraction. sometimes the contractions stop me without my consent and I have to just...breathe for a minute.

I had my cervix checked via ultrasound and everything looks good. baby is just low, and having subsequent pregnancies so close together is making my body a little resistant to the change.

Now with all that complaining out there,

I want to confirm that I am still blessed.

I am so happy that I can experience pregnancy again and I know that not everyone is blessed with it.

but when you think about what your body is actually doing, its pretty crazy that every 7 month pregnant woman in the world isnt just sitting on 100000 pillows crying her eyes out while icing her ankles and eating a sundae while complaining about her heartburn.

We make it though.

Thousands of women make it through pregnancy somewhat intact, every day.

And I know I can too.

I think I had a moment where I got really tired of trying to glow.

I think pregnant women feel like they are supposed to glow a little brighter because they are carrying life inside of them.

lets be honest guys...

the only glow I have had in the last 7 months has been either toilet water glistening on my face from the morning sickness, or sweat dripping down my face and back from going up a flight of stairs.

I dont need to glow.

I just need to waddle through the next 12 weeks

and then welcome a beautiful baby boy to my family.

He can be the one that glows.

Here's to 28 weeks.

xx - r

 

 

memory make-ation...ing? - California

 

Last week we went with some of T's family to California!

 

The trip started out a little rocky...something to do with a screaming one year old for an entire 3 hour flight and a pregnant mom in tears?... I don't remember...it was all kind of a blur - Okay it wasn't a blur, its burned into my brain...and will probably be there for a while.

 

we got into the hotel late and decided to hit Disney the next morning.

 

It was pretty fun!

 

Some highlights...

 

 

Grandpa had this kid rolling in laughter all week, seriously

 

Easy was about 2 inches too short for most rides at Disney, so while the grown ups and non-preggos waited in line for rides, we spent alot of time wandering around the park, meeting people and playing. lots of kids had these bubble machines and Easy loved EVERY bubble.

                              

 

Of course, we did alot of eating. this Disney day included 2 outfit changes. 

 

we found one pretty great ride that we could all go on, and although this kid is pretty stoic, he loved it.

 

probably one of his favourite things of the day was cars land. lately hes been really into cars, little toy cars, are his toy of choice to carry around and he loves driving them all over everything and everyone.

 

He sat on the railing and watched people go by on the cars ride for literally an hour. pointing every time a car went by. it was so fun, his little brain must have been exploding. at one point one of the cars from the movie drove by us on the way to a meet and greet spot. I put Easy down and he took off running (yes hes into running lately and hes FAST) after it. he ran for a good couple minutes before the car disappeared and he sat down, looking very dejected.

 

It took us some work to get him to wear a hat. As my son, his skin is very fair and very sensitive, We went through a whole can of spray sunscreen and half of a tube of lotion screen this week for him... Eventually he warmed up to hats, how adorable is a baby in a hat???

 

The rest of the week was a flurry of beach days and shopping and pool-going.

 

Easy is like his grandma in that he really loves the beach. digging in the sand, even getting soaked by the cold salt water of the ocean. I felt a little bad though... I am not much of a beach person. Sand is not my friend, its something about the feel and how you find it in your bra days later... I am more of a sit by the pool and have a hot-tub accessible...person.

 

but it was 5 days well spent. Vacationing with a one year old is not really vacationing at all. I would like to change the name to "memory make-ation...ing?" it was busy. skipped naps and swollen ankles and a molar cutting through and eating nothing but goldfish for sometimes 3 meals a day and hormones and stained clothes are what make a memory make-ation. and I loved spending that time with my boys and my inlaws. they were seriously amazing, taking him when we needed a bit of a break, and sharing everything and taking breaks when I whined and required them. and I whined and needed breaks a lot.

 

the rest of the summer is work work work. I have a class im trying to finish, work in the office and a few more photoshoots and oh ya... only a couple months left before this baby makes his appearance!

 

yikes!

 

pregnancy update coming soon!

 

xx - r

my first *ouch" prenatal massage and a little visit to L&D

I am lucky enough to get some great benefits through my job

that allow me to get massages pretty regularly

 

I was beyond excited for my first prenatal massage

I have had a super sore lower back and legs recently, and im holding onto quite a bit of water already.

 

I got in and excitedly undressed and lay down on the bed as instructed.

oh wow what a nice bed!

as a pregnant woman, you cant lay directly on your back very long, or on your tummy (duh)

so what they did is made the table almost like a water bed!

then they have you lay on your side and give you three pillows

one for your head

one for you to hug and support your belly with

and one for between your legs.

 

this is pretty a standard sleep position for a lot of pregnant women, I think.

 

I was SO COMFY!

 

The woman asked me if I had any problem areas

 

I described to her my lumbar pain and my shoulder tightness and she nodded her head and got started.

 

YEEEOUCH!

 

I guess I didn't know what to expect, but It was a DEEP massage. she would find a tight spot, lay her forearm into my hip/bum area and then simply leeeeean her (very large and strong) body onto me with all her weight.

 

and hold it

 

for like, such a long time.

 

I spent the whole hour  gritting my teeth, afraid to say anything because... maybe it would feel better later?

wrong.

I spent the next day sore beyond belief!
my hips especially. I know they are very tight, but seriously? I could hardly walk.

Don't get me wrong

I'm going to go back...

but maybe next time I will ask for just a simple, relaxing massage?

Friday, the day after my massage

I was feeling crummy.

tired, sore, and had a weird pain and tightness in my abdomen.

something kind of concerning as a preggo lady.

I chalked it up to my post massage pain and went about my day.

but by the afternoon, I knew something wasn't right. I called my OB to see if she could guide me in the right direction

but her office was already closed for the long weekend.

I waited another hour, and then, noticing that I was having quite a few braxton hicks contractions (false contractions where your tummy gets really tight)

I called labour and delivery at the hospital and spoke to a nurse.

she told me I was a bit early for ligament pain, and that tightness was sometimes normal, but what I was explaining could be a few things.

 I told her I didn't want to waste anyone's time coming into the hospital if it wasn't necessary.

she simply answered "don't worry about whats going on here. worry about whats going on with you - come in if you feel like something is wrong." 

I finished out the afternoon at work, and while driving home, went into the hospital

When you go into the hospital as a pregnant woman with any concerns, they send you right up to labour and delivery for a non-stress test. Basically you pee into a cup to make sure your not leaking any fluid or anything, then they hook your belly up to a monitor to track the baby's heartbeat, and give you a little wand with a button to press every time you feel the baby move.

after a few minutes of this, A doctor came in to do an exam. he poked around my stomach a little and when he got to my lower abdomen I cringed in pain. He decided to get another urine sample (no problem for a pregnant lady) and evaluate it for an infection.

So after 3 hours in the hospital on a Friday night, I walked out with an antibiotic for a pretty serious UTI that was getting worse fast.

long story short?

When something doesn't feel right, ACT ON IT.

They take UTI's very seriously for pregnant women, as immuno-compromised beings, we are very prone to infections getting bad, very fast.

A few days later now, and im still not 100% to be honest. I feel like this baby is riding very low. Im feeling a lot more pressure in my lower abdomen than I maybe should. I wonder if it could be from a few things, between having babies so close together, sore hips and back, and a lot more weight gain this time around (im already up 30 pounds!) this pregnancy EVERYTHING is different.

I dont feel like that adorable preggo thats all out front and looks so pleased and healthy and glowing with the little human shes growing.

I feel tired and sore and cranky and dull and acne-prone and... heavy.

dont get me wrong, I am still thrilled to be pregnant, and will do anything for a healthy baby. but my earlier statements about loving myself the whole time are starting to wear on me a bit. Hey, I can be honest right? with 3 months left, im anxious to see where the next little bit takes me.

here's to 25 weeks!

-r

 

 

 



23 Weeks and soother baby.

Well, I'm now 23 weeks! Hooray!

My tummy is big and this little ninja likes to KICK. 

I was so worried that Easy was going to be a big baby

 

When I was born, I was between 9 and 10 pounds and T was the same…

I was sent for a late ultrasound to make sure he wasn't too huge

Thankfully, he turned out to be a perfect 7.11 even a week late!

I felt pretty confident for a while that I just had small babies. Totally reasonable. right?

But while I was at my in-laws house last weekend I was looking at baby pictures… 

T's big brother was a reasonable sized baby… bigger, but not Crazy. 

Then BOOM

out came T the monster baby at 9 pounds 10oz!

I'm starting to get worried again.  

 

I guess time (And stretchmarks) will tell!

 

This little monkey is starting to chub up a little too!

 

Grandma fattened him up a whole bunch for us, and hes developed a healthy (but picky) appetite!

 

Hes so adorable too. seriously. hes at that age where everything he does is based on raw emotion.

 

If hes angry he shows it, sad, he shows it, jealousy... you name it and he wears it right on his sleeve.

 

Hes not doing a lot of talking these days, which sometimes can be a little worrysome.

 

I love that I have a soother baby, I think its probably the cutest thing to see a little toddler with a soother in their mouth. He's a total addict. he goes to sleep with one in his hand and one in his mouth. eventually when he wakes up they are both on the floor under the crib and as soon as we bring him out, he climbs under his crib and gets them.

 

 

Although I think its interfering with his speech just a little. hes a total chatty Cathy without his Soother, but once its in he's a "pointer" he points at what he wants, and expects it!

 

 

Time will tell I guess, but until then, I'll enjoy my "soother baby"

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

xx-r

He's home! time for the weirdest summer...ever!

Well, he's home! 

But this little one is missing his grandma time (and all the ice cream that comes with it) 

 

Some highlights of his trip that grandma so generously shared via text message... 

 

 

 

 

 

And that's just the highlights. I can't even begin to explain how greatful we are for this last month of help we have had. 

 

_____

T had his first day as "Mr Mom" yesterday. I even got a visit from them at work! I came home to a clean kitchen and dinner on the table. Then we went to the park! I think it's going to be a great summer. 

Work has been going well. It's just like I remember it... Work. But some adult interaction beyond "honey, does he smell like poop to you?" Has been nice. 

BC2.0 is a busy boy too. Since 14 weeks I have felt little jabs that now, at 22 weeks are full on kicks and rolls and constant reminders that I'm not alone. ever.

My body is also growing rapidly. While still embracing my pregnancy and everything that goes with it... I need to get out more and move my body. Old stretch marks from my last pregnancy and even my youth, are looking rather "at capacity" and I'm getting less and less comfortable in my maternity jeans. only halfway through my pregnancy, this is not a welcomed realisation.

 

 

I feel like I'm retaining a lot of water already. Drinking is a major challenge for me, and it's probably not helping that I suck at drinking, as I fearfully try to slide my wedding rings off at night. 

 

I have moved from tums to extra strength Zantac, on the suggestion of my doctor and some friendly's who read my blog and offer great advice. :) the problem I run into now, is that when I take the Zantac, it makes the acid in my stomach less... a good thing for heartburn.. not a good thing if you are trying to...you know... digest food? So ive had a couple of times in the last week or two where I see my lunch in its original form... 5-7 hours after ive eaten it. Glorious.

 

 

I need to think of a good way to get a belly shot without looking like a total tool. I miss my tripod and need to pull it out when i come home from work.

sigh

but, here is a 22.5 week belly in all its bathroom glory!

 

The weirdest summer ever continues.

 

its really set up to be a nice summer, but not at all one I ever saw myself being in. Me, pregnant and working. my husband, a stay at home dad.

 

oh, and did I mention were going to Disneyland? ;)

 

 

xx - r.

 

 

Drumroll please!

Well, there ya have it folks.

the little human inside of me is  BOY!

2 boys under two? YIKES!

Unfortunately, T couldn't be there when I found out

so

when I saw him next

 I gave him an envelope

inside, it had a hot dog.

"uhhh... why did you give me a hot dog?"

*silence*

After realising that he was never going to gather what I was trying to tell him from that, I handed him a onsie that said "ladies man"

"uh... nice onsie"

I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes and said...

"DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE SMALL FOR EASTON?"

"oh... OH! are we having another boy? YES! IM THE BEST! I MAKE BOYS!"

ha ha - I have a proud daddy on my hands.

When I was pregnant with Easy, I wanted him to be a little girl so badly. I dont even really know why.

I couldn't be happier with the fact that he is a boy now, obviously.

and when I got pregnant with my second so quickly

I had  multiple conversations in my head. Was I rooting for a boy or a girl?

Every mom wants a little girl, and I wanted one so badly the first time...

BUT 

If I was going to have 2 kids 17 months apart.. I think I would want a brother for Easy.

After some thought, I determined that I really didnt care what came out. Either one was going to be amazing.

So when the ultrasound came up on the screen, I knew before she told me that I had another son.

(and not just for the frank and beans that was staring me in the face)

overjoyed in an understatement.

Boys are seriously great.

I am now 20 weeks.

The halfway point!

This pregnancy has been a little different than the last... but all in all, Im enjoying it.

Im living on these:

I have heartburn 24-7. Last time I got some in my last trimester... this time Ive had it almost since day 1!

also,

my teeth are deteriorating at a rapid rate.

 babies suck the teeth right out of me!

my last pregnancy I came out of it with 2 root canals...

Im hoping this baby pays my dentist a little less...

besides that, im eating like a horse.

literally.

I am not ashamed to announce that I ate 12 11 ice cream sandwiches last week

 (I saved one for T... of course)

I guess If im going to be pregnant... I mean business.

The only question left for this little guy is if he wants to be an August baby or a September baby!

Oh... and what the heck were going to name him...

that one might be world war three uh... a little problem.

xx-r

Adjustment Periods and a BC2.0 update

BC2.0 = Baby campbell 2 - cute huh?

The last week has been one of roller coaster emotions and adjustment peroids.

 

as we were standing at the door on sunday afternoon the day before I started work, Easton was trying to leave with us. We hugged him, and cried and then gave him to grandma, we know hes in good hands....

 

It didnt make it easier as we closed the door and he stood at the window beside it and cried.

 

3 more weeks.

 

This sunday we decided to put him to bed before we left for the week

I cuddled him and kissed him as he fell asleep.

while his eyes were fluttering he put his little hand on my face
I melted.

it eventually moved to my mouth and he tried to shove his fingers in and grab my tongue.

I pulled them out and kissed his hand

a giggle-fit ensued.

 

I sat for another few minutes, kissing my baby boy while he giggled and layed still, staring at me between fits of laughter.

 

soon it was time to go.

 

I layed him in his crib and walked out of the room to him standing up..crying.

 

I didnt want to leave like that, so I send daddy in, to try and get him to sleep before we walked out of the house.

 

When I checked the monitor, I heard the same giggle fit, I had just adored every second of.

 

I watched my son and his loving father share a few moments, and tried not to cry.

 

eventually he went, we shed a few tears and then left for another 5 days.

As sad as it is that im so far away from my baby, its been nice having an adjustment time getting back to work.

and we Facetime every day

 

We are able to lock the screen and pass it to Easy and he squeals and giggles and puts his face on the screen to kiss us, sometimes he even puts us in his toys and walks around with us.

 

 

I miss this kid! I cant wait till hes home full time with dad so we can all hang out at night time.

 

but man is he happy and spoiled with grandma and his aunties and uncles in Calgary! 

 

________

I decided last weekend to try and stop taking my nausea meds

day one was fine

day two I was feeling pretty queazy

and by yesterday afternoon I had to quickly run off of the train on the way home and have my husband hold my hair while I threw up on the platform.

needless to say im back on the good stuff.

still! after 19 weeks! UGH.

I guess I was on it till 24 weeks with Easy...

But... as far as other pregnancy updates go... im doing pretty well!

im pudgy and round but loving every second of growing a baby.

oh, and we are going to confirm (yes, I already know) the sex of the babyTODAY!

Place your bets!

xx - r