I never said...

I never said I wouldnt complain.

 

wait, did I?

 

I cant remember my first name most of the time these days.

 

Im tired.

Truth time,

 

This isnt one of those "glowy" pregnancy updates.

 

 

 

But I feel like the reality needs to be stated somewhere.

Im not glowing.

 

I feel like I blew through my first pregnancy

 

Yes, I had a bit of heartburn and got a couple stretch marks near the end, but it wasnt bad, I would even say I loved it. I loved it enough to get pregnant again 8 months later didnt I?

 

I cant decide if bieng a mom makes me more sensitive, or if I am just a bigger wuss this time around, or if maybe some emotional problems I cant control are playing in...

 

But this pregnancy is so hard.

 

Its hard enough that I have cried more times than I can count

hard enough that I have had a hard time getting out of bed or off the couch

hard enough that I have been meaner than I should be to people I love

hard enough that I have wished that the baby would even come a bit early sometimes just to ease my discomfort.
Hard enough that Im maybe not giving my Easy man all the attention he deserves.

 

And all of those things make me feel so awful that I continually cycle between feeling awful and feeling guilty for it.

 

I have officially outgrown my maternity jeans

 

They no longer fit over my hips and butt that are now riddled with stretch marks.

I'm sitting at a weight that I have never seen before on a scale that I have been standing on.

That was harder on me than I thought it was going to be. When im having to buy not only bigger clothing... but bigger maternity clothing, it challenges my feelings of self-worth.

I eat the best I can, but I have to make a point to not go crazy on the diet, I struggle with finding balance.

My body feels like its breaking down.

When I stand in the morning I have to brace myself and breathe through the feeling that my pelvis is going to break, and my hips just might not make it another minute. The feeling eventually passes but everything feels sore all day. the extra weight isnt helping my knees or my back.

My braxton hicks contractions are strong and steady. every time I stand or walk too long, I find myself stopping to poke my stomach, confirming that the tighness is a contraction. sometimes the contractions stop me without my consent and I have to just...breathe for a minute.

I had my cervix checked via ultrasound and everything looks good. baby is just low, and having subsequent pregnancies so close together is making my body a little resistant to the change.

Now with all that complaining out there,

I want to confirm that I am still blessed.

I am so happy that I can experience pregnancy again and I know that not everyone is blessed with it.

but when you think about what your body is actually doing, its pretty crazy that every 7 month pregnant woman in the world isnt just sitting on 100000 pillows crying her eyes out while icing her ankles and eating a sundae while complaining about her heartburn.

We make it though.

Thousands of women make it through pregnancy somewhat intact, every day.

And I know I can too.

I think I had a moment where I got really tired of trying to glow.

I think pregnant women feel like they are supposed to glow a little brighter because they are carrying life inside of them.

lets be honest guys...

the only glow I have had in the last 7 months has been either toilet water glistening on my face from the morning sickness, or sweat dripping down my face and back from going up a flight of stairs.

I dont need to glow.

I just need to waddle through the next 12 weeks

and then welcome a beautiful baby boy to my family.

He can be the one that glows.

Here's to 28 weeks.

xx - r