Weaning 101. The Boob Battle.

When Easton was very young

we decided to exclusively give him breastmilk from a bottle.

I blogged about the reason HERE

Since then

Exclusively pumping has been a journey. 

I met my goal of storing 2000 ounces of breastmilk a few weeks ago

and was debating wether it was time to wean off the pump or keep going

By that point I was developing lots of cracks and sores on my breasts, that were making it very hard to continue. I cried every pump. 

It was wearing on me. 

I was exhausted and on pain killers all the time and perpetually discouraged. 

I compramised with myself by dropping my number of daily pumps from 5 to 4, and then a few days later to 3.

I was running a fever for over a week and kept thinking I was getting the cold that had been going around our house

but it never came

Instead my right breasts got more and more sore. 

One night as I tried to fall asleep, feeling nauseous and fevered, I rolled over and felt a hard lump going all along the underside of my breast. 

I consulted Dr Google, and decided that I should probably go to the hospital that night, because It was too late to go to my GP, and I was probably not getting any sleep anyways. 

I left T with the baby and went in to Emergency. 

A few hours later I left with a script for some antibiotics, some strong painkillers (that I couldn't take if I wanted to continue to feed Easy my milk) and a diagnosis of mastitis that we caught just before the point of needing IV antibiotics. 

Over the next 3 days my fever peaked and then broke. 

I moved from 3 pumps a day to 1

many women fight bouts of mastitis through their whole breastfeeding experience.

but mine broke my spirit.

My will to continue was shot and I decided I was going to wean. 

Right now. 

I researched the best ways to wean. 

Most resources encouraged a slow and steady approach. drop one pump every few weeks, for risk of developing mastitis. 

I figured that since I was on antibiotics for mastitis currently and for the next several days, my risk of mastitis was low. 

I maintained one pump a day while trying the following methods to reduce my breastmilk production:

Cold cabbage compress : literally... get the leaves of of a cabbage head and put them in your bra. the cold felt so relieving, and there is a component in them that will naturally dry up milk. Honestly, I didn't find any reduction in milk for the week I had cabbage leaves lying around my house... but it felt pretty good! 

I had such an oversupply, I needed extra help reducing my milk.

next I tried an over the counter nasal decongestant. Sudafed. 

I actually got one step stronger from behind the counter. it was called Eltor 120. 

besides having an amazingly clear nose, I actually did see massive milk reduction within 2 days of using sudafed and cabbage leaves together. 

I eventually was able to only pump when I REALLY needed to. 

first it was 24 hours before I needed to pump a bit to get relief... then 36...

Now, after 2 weeks of trying, I haven't pumped in 5 days. 

my emotions are through the roof. 

Every time I pull a bag of breastmilk out of the freezer for E, I cringe, knowing that I'm one day closer to running out, and having to give him formula. And I feel like I have let him down.

The guilt is immense.

I know how unreasonable that sounds. I really do. 

Lots of kids eat formula from day one. I just thought I would be different. 

I also didn't do my homework. 

I have had a very teary few days. 

my hormone levels dropped like mad with such a quick wean. 

When I started scouring the internet.. I came across from this beautifully written blog post by A cup of Jo on post-weaning depression. 

an abrupt wean from the pump may not have been the best idea.

so the next journey is fighting through the next few weeks to keep my head up.

To know that I made the right decision.

I have a supportive husband and family

And im enjoying spending less time hooked up to the boob-sucker

and more time with my little boy.

xx - r