poop.

I can't even begin to explain what just happened at my house.

But i'll try. 

Prep yourselves for a poop story. 

Guys, its gross. 

Seriously

Are you sure you want to hear this?

I didn't include pictures but you'd better bet I took them. I need something for payback at the wedding someday. 

Okay. 

Im standing in my kitchen, talking to T on the phone about calling the realtor, you know, house stuff. I mention that I heard Hud pooping and better go change him. 

my nose lead me to turn my head, even before my gut said

 "just don't do it, run away and never look back"

I turned my head to see Hudson, clapping his hands and smacking the coffee table

covered.in.poop. 

Still on the phone with T, I slowly walk over to assess the situation... I deliver a play by play to T:

"Honey... its everywhere"

"what?"

"its EVERYWHERE!"

By now he knows what I'm talking about and said "maybe I should let you go"

I shout "NO - you can't leave me alone with this right now!" then turn my head in just enough time to see Easy poke his head around my legs to see whats going on.

He was met by a two handed slap in the face by Hudson's poop-hands.

IN THE FACE! 

In what appears to be a natural reaction he yells "HEY!" and puts his hands to his face

Frantic I should "NOOO! HUDSON WHYYY??" 

T says, "really, I should let you go"

I lower the phone and turn it off without saying goodbye.

Im sure T is a little worried about the welfare of my mental state right now. 

If you have been in this situation, you probably have the same thought process as I do

What first?

Do I clean the poop off the walls and carpets before it sets?

Do I strip his clothes off and try to save them in the wash?

no. 

The toddler!

I grab Easton and run him to the sink, holding his poop covered hands telling him to STOP rubbing his darn face for crying out loud!

Okay. Toddler down. 

Baby next

Up to the bath. I Turn on the lights, 2 of the 4 burnt out. good start.

 Use his clothes to scrape the poop off of his ENTIRE BACK. I kid you not, its like the kid had never pooped in his whole life. 

Notice there are toys in the tub. grrrr. 

I start throwing wet toys out of the bath onto the floor, while the baby tries to squirm out of my now poop covered hands and my toddler kindly starts putting the toys back into the tub and my bathroom slowly starts to flood. 

eventually baby is standing in the bath and I start spraying him off despite his screams. 

My toddler is right behind me so I tell him to stand outside of the bathroom. 

As he is leaving I notice that he is leaving a beautiful poop trail on my light coloured carpet and has been since we came upstairs. 

oh my...

nope. 

have to finish washing the baby

 one thing at a time. 

baby clean. but MAD. 

Put baby naked in the crib

grab toddler

Put him in the tub and wash his feet. 

scrub carpet

shoot, didn't diaper the baby

*change peed-on sheets*

Dress baby 

Put on a show for toddler and put baby down for a nap

 I swear I still smell poop, I can't decide if its on me or him at this point. 

Close the door for nap time and take a deep sigh. 

realize with horror that I sent my toddler back to the scene of the crime to watch a show. 

To my relief he hasn't gotten into the poop, but has thrown a few toys in there. 

Oh well, add it to the list. 

Clean carpet

put clothes in wash. 

cry. 

Still smell poop, its definitely on me somewhere. 

Cant find the carpet cleaner.

toddler is asking for lunch. 

Guys. 

is this real life?

xx - r